Today's Case: Can Eb actually control the universe with her thoughts? Evidence provided within the last week has raised questions, and thus we put it to a jury of her peers to judge whether or not she's got telepathy with the world.
Take these four scenarios:
Evidence A:
I was walking across the street in the middle of the night, stressing about what all those guys in three piece suits on Wall Street are worrying about right now: money...and more specifically, how I don't have any of it. Just as I am contemplating setting up nice box in the Lincoln Memorial and eating Kraft Mac and Cheese for eternity, a guy drives by in a black Porsche, roaring up 24th Street, and throws something out the window.
$20.00.
Granted, it was rolled up and dusted with a lovely white substance, but it was $20.00 all the same.
Evidence B:
Inspired by the fantastic film "That Thing You Do", I asked a friend of mine the last time they were really kissed. Not an "Oh hey my tongue is in your mouth and it kinda tastes like beer" kiss, but really kissed by someone. We determined it'd been quite too long for both of us, and that we didn't necessarily want Prince Charming, we just wanted to be reminded what a good kiss feels like.
Judging by the standing evidence, I'll the jury conclude that story for themselves.
Evidence C:
Lucky me got to interview Ben Kweller for WRGW last week. Turns out we have something in common: we both get intense nosebleeds at the most inopporutne moments, shedding amounts of blood that would make that whole sacraficial cutting of oneself for a divine blood offering in the Aztec culture completely painless, not to mention we'd be exceedingly popular with the deities.
Three minutes later, it looks like a murder scene in the station as my nose starts pouring blood.
Evidence D:
I have a class with a guy I used to date, and every day on the way, I pass his building. Last week I thought to myself, "Weird how I walk by his building to a class we have at the same time in the same place and I never run into him. Watch, now he's gonna walk out the door just cuz I said that."
Ask and ye shall receive.
Based on current evidence, I ask the jury to reach a verdict: Can Eb actually control the universe with her thoughts? She has now been asked on numerous occasions for unicorns, boyfriends, A papers, and a cookie. Unfortunately, it seems as though this power does not take requests. So is it something that links money, kisses, nosebleeds, and ex-boyfriends?
Has the jury reached a verdict?
How's the Weather?
14 years ago
1 comment:
Ex-boyfriends and kisses clearly linked. Your money was dusted with white powder? Nosebleeds linked. Now to link money, kisses, ex-boyfriends and nose bleeds. Here we go:
At one point in time, it is assumed you kissed your ex-boyfriend. He left you because of your cocaine addiction that has left you dealing drugs to men in Porsche's (i.e. making very little money, all of which is now covered in cocaine dust.) As I understand it, cocaine has this terrible tendency to cause nosebleeds.
Now, for the real moral. No, you don't have telepathy with the world. ::Pop:: Your bubble's been burst. Sorry Puck!
Coincidences are amazing. Predictions are even better. Think of it like this, how many times have you gone back and changed an answer on an exam? Of those times you remember, how many times did you change a wrong answer to a correct one? The point of this story, is to show that most people don't remember any of the times they were right, but they remember every time they changed an answer from right to wrong.
We make predictions every day, both subconsciously and consciously. It's miraculous when it comes out right, and we forget about it if we were wrong. So sorry hun, you just got things right an extraordinarily high number of times. Just in case I'm wrong though: predict I do well on the GRE's and I will <3 you forever!
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